Missing my Mum

My mum passed away on the 7th of August after a long battle with alcoholism. I know addiction is a taboo subject but knowing how much my mum struggled with different events in her life I feel as though I understand what she was going through. Despite Mum being poorly for a long time it was still a massive shock. It still feels like only yesterday I found out she was gone. My brother (18), sister (23) and I (20) are still fairly young so despite being young adults we all feel a bit lost. Mums funeral was on Friday and leading up to it I was so distracted keeping myself busy. Today is the first day that I haven’t really done anything as the planning of the funeral is over now. I have felt so sad today, as if everyone’s life is now going back to normal but my heart is still breaking, it’s not normal for me and I know it won’t go back to normal for a while. I have really been struggling to sleep these last few weeks and I think this is getting me down more, I feel exhausted and feel I could cry at any minute. I know that everyone’s grieves differently and I need to listen to my mind and my body but I can’t help but get wrapped up in my thoughts about Mum. It’s so difficult going from a phone call a day to just nothing and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

Daisygh, I’m so sorry you’ve lost your Mum at such a young age. Do you have some support?
I’m in my 50’s, but even when your older it still hits hard.
Sleep often gets badly effected in the early days. I found going to be an hour earlier helped a lot. Also, make sure you eat and drink, as grief is can be harsh on the body.
Take care,

Hi @Daisygh, I’m so sorry to hear that your mum passed away when you are so young, and that she struggled with addiction and had difficult events in her life. It is very common for the time just after the funeral to be particularly hard, as there is less to get on with and, as you say, other people may be starting to go back to ‘normal’, leaving you feeling isolated.

I’m glad you’ve found this community, and I hope that it helps even a tiny bit to be able to share things here. All our users have lost loved ones and will understand some of what you are going through.

We have a user posting regularly called @Fg15, who has recently lost their partner through alcohol. You can see one of their posts here: Recently bereaved through alcohol

There is also this post from @jonlight1357 who is 24 and lost their mum who suffered from alcohol-related problems: Feeling alone - that post is a few months old, but you might still find it worth a read.

And here is a recent post from @Rabbit17, who has lost her dad through a different cause, but is close to your age at only 18: Losing my Dad in lockdown

The Bereaved Through Alcohol and Drugs website also has information and support which you might find useful: https://www.beadproject.org.uk/

@Daffy123 Hi, thanks for your reply. I think that me, my brother and sister are sticking together now and this has brought us all a lot closer. We also have my Nan who cared for my mum in the last few months of her life. We are quite a small family so we now are just making sure to check in on each other. My sister and I moved away and are living with our partners now so now that they funeral is over and we have all returned to our homes it’s difficult as we are not so close for a chat or a hug. My partner is being very supportive, I feel lucky to have him. I hope that you are doing okay too, take care.

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@Priscilla Thank you for your reply and for sharing others’ posts that have made me feel less alone.

I’m am so glad that you’ve got some support. These forums are also a good place to share how you are feeling on the rougher days.

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Hi Daisy
I am so so sorry you have lost your mum this way i am 36 and have just lost my partner 42 on the 29th June to alcohol related liver disease he leaves our 11 year old daughter so i feel your pain
With my partner he admitted the problem too late the damage was done he was in hosp for 7 weeks in feb he was in.a bad mess alcohol hepatitis liver was failinflg numerous blood transfusions just a few of the things he went through he came home for 3 months but he couldnt do anything and deterioated went back in hosp he never came home.
My emotions are still all over the place heartbroken he left us this way as he really wanted to get better but i get angry cos of the lies i had no idea how much he was drinking til he admitted it but it is an illness and and i know he didnt want to be like that and i know he loved me and our daughter as we did him and thats what i have to remember its just so hard to come to terms with though x

Hello,

Thank you for your reply. It’s so difficult isn’t it, and such a horrible illness to lose someone you love to. My Mum was also in a similar situation where the damage was done. It’s horrible as over the last few months of her life it seemed as though she wanted her life back. That makes this all so much harder to accept.

I hope that you and your daughter are doing as well as you can and are looking after one another. I want to say it will get a little easier with time but at the moment it feels impossible.

Take care,

Daisy

That is the hard part knowing they wanted their lives back but too late if only sooner until my partner was in that hospital bed he had no idea the severity because they are in denial they carry on because they cant stop its truly heartbreaking and now its the ones left behind that are suffering my daughter has been very resilient and is doing far better than i expected and she does talk about dad but she they got on so well together x

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