Mjfoo, I am so sad to hear what has happened to your husband and son. I can’t manage how you are coping. It is bad enough losing a husband. Like you I found this site by accident but have found it very helpful. As you have already found there is a lot of support initially and then people seem to think “you are back to normal”. I don’t think any of us will ever be that again, it’s just to exist and live with the sadness. Lots of hugs xxx
2 Likes
Mjfoo, I don’t know how I found the site either, as I was doing something like you were! I’m sure technology listens - or maybe our dear departed have a hand in it somehow. I’m so sorry for your loss of your husband, and losing a child at any age is a trauma that takes ages to even just live with, let alone get over. I’ve been there too, and even though she was only a day old, the pain is still there from 1979.
Keep reaching out - I’ve only been here a few days and it’s a great comfort to know others are experiencing exactly the same issues as I do. Makes it seem like I’m normal I guess. We’re all in different locations but the online presence makes it feel like we are all close together, which we are mentally.
God bless you and your family. Much love to you all.
2 Likes
Thank you Lizzy. We’d always planned to move to a bungalow nearby in about 5 years time, as a 4 bedroom house is a bit large for 2. But a couple of years ago my youngest daughter bought the house next door to be near us for our old age. They’re in the middle of a large extension for their family of 5 and therefore it would be difficult for me to move now even if I wanted to. I’ll just have to cope with things as they are I think.
Time will tell! Best wishes. M
1 Like
Your quite right to hold out for a good price, chancing their luck offering less but you just stick to your guns and tell them the price you find acceptable xxx
At least you can now face things head on with a positive attitude! If us on here can see a massive change in how you’re feeling your family must see it too and they will be happy to see it xxx
2 Likes
Well done Peaches on cooking a meal these small things feel like big achievements to us on here and it always feels good when we achieve something on our own instead of as a couple so proud of everyone today xxx
1 Like
That is a huge achievement today, everyone seems to be excelling today, so proud of you all x
Afraid I have done very little of anything today I’m having a lazy day but I’m happy with that because the xmas present shopping and wrapping is all done now, and I can breathe and relax, next phase christmas dinner shopping, already have the turkey but thats a breeze compared to the present buying!
Ive enjoyed my lazy day watching GBN news and Loose Women ( for those who live outwith UK its a talkshow program, not what you might be thinking 
).
Well done Debsie xxx
1 Like
I made chilli today, will do about four dinners, it was either that or it would have went in the bin. I also watched loose women today lol, I went and posted that Xmas card to my so called friends, they weren’t in so sneaked away. I got home and another two neighbours had posted them through the door, groan! I will need to write another two and post them tonight. Wish they would stop. Take care xxxx
1 Like
That is a huge achievement today, everyone seems to be excelling today, so proud of you all x
Afraid I have done very little of anything today I’m having a lazy day but I’m happy with that because the xmas present shopping and wrapping is all done now, and I can breathe and relax, next phase christmas dinner shopping, already have the turkey but thats a breeze compared to the present buying!
Ive enjoyed my lazy day watching GBN news and Loose Women ( for those who live outwith UK its a talkshow program, not what you might be thinking ).
Well done Debsie xxx
Mifoo, I am very, very sorry that you have suffered the loss of your husband and your son. You must be in unbearable pain and your broken heart is now in shreds. It is too much for one to handle, it really is.
As you can tell here, we have all had horrible days of numbness, fear and most of us are still walking in circles in a dense fog. But, we are learning to function as one.
Last night, my husband’s only sibling, his sister, was here for dinner. We talked about him and laughed and remembered him when he was healthy, happy and full of life. We didn’t get sad, we were smiling and happy because we had so many good memories with him. We both loved him dearly and will be connected for life.
I got the mail at 1:30am. Surprise, a check! Surprise #2, a Jury Summons. I just got one in September, wasn’t needed, so here we go again.
I am okay with the taxes. Got that done too.
Now, nothing left to do but relax, wrap gifts, and stuff envelopes with cash.
I may clean out a garden. I will start with the smallest one.
Oh, right. Forgot to put out the garbage bins. It is always something.
Much love. It is 11:19am here, so you all must be nestled in for the evening. Stay warm and cozy, enjoy your nests and may you all get some good sleep.
3 Likes
@Mjfoo
Oh Mjfoo. That’s unbelievably sad and so unfair for you to have had a year like you and your boys have had. Anyone on here reading your post is going to be sending you the biggest possible love, hugs and virtual support. I can’t imagine you being anything other than completely numb and overwhelmed just now. But as you say, from reading around here, you will keep going. Just take it one tiny step by tiny step and don’t look too far ahead because that will overwhelm you. We’ll all be here to listen to you whenever you need it.
2 Likes
Thank you all so much 
xxx
3 Likes
Did not change out of my nightgown or move from the sofa all day. It felt good - guilty pleasure. No phone calls or visitors, but a delivery - a box of chocolate covered strawberries. All in all, not a horrible day, I’d say. Grateful for the peace and the treats.
I no longer feel like I am suffocating under a pile of paperwork or things that need my immediate attention. I’ve slogged through it all and finally the knots in my stomached can cease.
My polygraph is flat for a minute. Whew!
Much love to all. We are making it happen!
4 Likes
Peaches, good morning, 8.53am here and I’ve just wakened. That’s the longest I’ve slept. I’m so pleased you had a nice day, the chocolates sounded up my street. Maybe we are a turning point, I really hope so. I’ve not got much planned today, I have to go to supermarket to get a few things for the dessert I’m making for Christmas Day. Just hope the dates on the fruit are better than they were the last time I went. I will come home and make loads of mini pavlovas to take to my daughters on Christmas Day. Actually I might put it off till tomorrow going to shops. Will make the pavlovas instead. Weather is howling outside, wish I had some of your chocolates. If I can get through the next few hours I will be happy. It’s 11 weeks today and I’m usually out the house, can I finally stay in? House too quiet, I need to get out my bed, put music on, keep busy, oh no, tears are starting, need to move. I hope you have another good day xxx 
2 Likes
Peaches, well done for a restful day. I’m not sure I could do that. Tried to do it yesterday afternoon then one of my sisters called, was on the phone for 1.5hours, whilst on the call my son messaged me asking if he could pop by with wife and baby. Then it was time for dinner. I will try another time.
Woke at 4am with a terrible migraine. Could hardly get up for a drink to take some pills. Stomach was churning. Thats 3 days in a row, these tablets have not had much effect yet, they are about to up the dosage. Did eventually get back to sleep till gone 8.
Friends are around for lunch today. They like their drink and sometimes I can have trouble getting them to leave, not so much a problem now, I’ve nothing else to do.
Lizzy do not dare to think we are at a turning point. You know it can just make a nose dive in seconds. But you are right we do seem to be starting to accept our lot. I don’t actually think it has fully sunk in for me. It almost seems like I am just playing the part of a widow. Oh how I hate that word.
I need to nip to the shops as I bought some bite sized sausage rolls as part of the buffet lunch forgetting one is a vegetarian. I hope they have something, I am not going anywhere near a supermarket from now on. Traffic is horrendous.
Lets hope we have a good day. Its 11am and I haven’t cried yet. More progress, or the migraine meds making me dozy?
1 Like
Lizzy, my husband’s sister lived in Manchester for 22 years. She still has an accent that she picked up while there and makes a big pavlova every Christmas or if she is charged with bringing dessert to a dinner party. Delicious! I assumed it is an English dessert as I had never heard of it before. Is it?
Debsie, enjoy your friends and hope they stay too long. But, get them to help tidy up before they go. I really am sorry that you have these awful headaches all the time. Surely, there is something that will make them go away, what could it be?
Yes, our good days can turn to mule dung in a heartbeat, but overall I think we have all made progress. You’ve had visitors and are having company come around for drinks! This is a major step. Good on you!
I feel great. Slept well, woke refreshed. Having a coffee, the sun is shining, it is cool and crisp outside, the pets are fed, and I only have to run 2 or 3 short errands.
I called the vehicle insurance people as they had not taken my husband’s name off of the policy as requested. Surely, it would be a reduction in the rate with only one driver, right? Wrong. It increased by $1,000per year because couples get a discount. Seriously? I told them to leave his name on the policy.
Was asked if I am selling my husband’s hunting rifles and shotguns as people would like to buy them. Sometimes, it feels like birds are circling overhead waiting to pick the bones. Shame on me for thinking that, but it seems rude to me.
If, and when, I decide to sell these things, I will let them know. But, for people to ask a widow to let them buy her husband’s things when she hasn’t offered them for sale is just out of line to me.
Much love
2 Likes
You are so right about just taking a nose dive. I wrote this post yesterday. It was a sledgehammer that took me right back to the 8 Oct.
3 Likes
Oh I am so sorry for the loss of your son and your husband that must have been so hard on you and your sons, I cannot imagine having such a loss.
I do hope you find some comfort on this forum just as we all have. Look after yourself and your sons, you will all need each other more than ever now xxxx
2 Likes
Same kind of day I had yesterday minus the chocolate covered strawberries. , sounds delicious! I got showered at night and into fresh pj’s, I too enjoyed my day 
2 Likes
Debsie I shudnt really say anything positive because it always comes back and bites me. I did stay in today, watched tv and baked but now that I’ve sat and watched tv most of the day,I am dipping. No one to talk to, it’s so lonely being in all day watching people on Facebook out enjoying themselves . I had to go out and chase my wheelie bin taking off down the drive. I’ve been out most of the night after hearing noises. Think I will lay them all down on their side . I hate high winds, worried in case the bins fly into my neighbours cars. I won’t sleep while these high winds are going on. I hope your headaches get better there is nothing worse. I am having a large glass of wine, is that bad drinking on my own.? I’m just so bored, it’s such a long day being in all day. Maybe I will see if I can find a film on Netflix as I can’t find anything worth watching tonight. Take care xx🤗
1 Like
Peaches, I just looked up where pavlova originated. Seeming it was created in Australia In honour of the ballerina Anna Pavlova who performed there. I used to make a big one if I had a large amount of people for dinner. The small mini ones I made are good for taking with me as they are easier to transport. I usually make a tray with fruit, sweets and cream and everyone can make up their own, it’s good when you don’t know everyone’s taste. It goes down well. Strangely enough my husband never took a dessert but he always had a bit of pavlova if I made it. He was more a cheese and biscuit person. Take care xx
1 Like